The Morning Report: Afternoon Report

I was biking home last night and doing my golf-balling in Van Cort. I was just about to leave the park into Yonkers when this dude came running down the path all wide-eyed and out of breath and he said "Did you see some kids go by on bicycles?" I said yes "They stole my daughters' bikes! You've got to stop them!" I said "When I stop them what I am supposed to do then?" He said "I don't know, but you have to stop them!" So I turned my bike around and hauled-ass down the path back towards the Bronx I came upon two kids riding on a bike and I yelled "Whose bike is that!?" The kid said "That's my bike" and I knew right away he was telling the truth so I apologized and kept going then I saw two kids on two different bikes ahead of me and I yelled "Hey!" They looked back at me and then started to book I yelled "Get off those bikes! You can't out-run me!" Which was true and they soon realized it so they both hopped off the bikes and one kid took off on foot and the other kid stopped and faced me as I got off my bike But I said to myself "I can take this punk" and I went right at him but he thought better of it and turned tail and ran

The Morning Report: Revenge Served Hot

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold.
But what if you have to serve it piping hot?
This is what happened:
I was biking to work on Broadway
and a van passed me pretty close. Its a busy street.
There was a little dog in the window and the window was open.
When he was about a foot from my ear, the little runt barked loudly
and I nearly jumped off of my bike.
A couple of blocks later, the van was stopped at a traffic light.
The little dog was looking forward for his next victim, I assume.
So as I pulled up I barked loudly in his ear.

Revenge.

The Morning Report: Squirrels

Squirrels are so cute!
I know they are rats with fluffy tails
but they come stand looking at me as I am feeding Cardinal Richelieu
with their little hands crossed in front of them
patiently waiting for me to leave
so they can steal all the seeds from the birds
and they pick up each seed with both their little paws and munch away.
Adorable!

The Morning Report: The Stink-Eye

I have a normal place to feed the birds
it is at the intersection of two paths
and there is a square post that goes to about knee-high
where I put the bird seed
In the afternoon
the birds all wait for me there
and it sounds like a high school cafeteria at lunch time
In the morning, they are busy getting their own breakfast
so there are not as many birds lined up
But this morning
I found Seamus, Jake and Guido
before I got to the regular spot
so I fed them there
and when I biked past the regular spot
there was my best customer
a male cardinal
sitting on a branch, looking at the post and licking his lips
and when I biked past without stopping
he gave me the stink eye.

The Morning Report: Seamus, Jake and Guido

Today being Thursday, I had a lot on my mind on the way to work. I had to find golf balls on the way to work because Shirley picks me up in the car on Thursdays after volleyball. Plus I had to come up with names for my bird friends in Van Cortlandt. To make a long story short, I was successful on both counts. I found about 40 golf balls along the bike path near Dunwoodie and I named the chickadee Seamus, the skinny titmouse Jake and the fat titmouse Guido.

In Van Cortlandt Park, I switched from golf balling to bird feeding mode. I was looking for Jake and Guido because I had seen them every morning this week. I finally wanted to coax Guido into landing in my hand. However, I never did see Jake and Guido. I saw a cardinal but couldn't convince him to come nearer. I saw an entire flock of chickadees who I tried to entice by throwing sunflower seed at them. They just flew away. So I gave up. I decided to grab a couple of golf balls I saw just inside the fence and as I was pushing my way through a bush to get to them, I heard a loud honking in my ear. Bbberrrrrrmp! Bbberrrrrrmp! Bbberrrrrrmp! It was Seamus and he had parked himself in the same bush I was in about a foot from my ear.

So I whipped out the sunflower seeds (I always keep a handful now in my pocket) and let him take a couple before I went and grabbed the golf balls.

Sunday I biked down to Van Cortlandt to feed the chickadees. I got off my bike to go through the fence onto the golf course, when I saw a titmouse looking at me funny. You can always tell when a chickadee or titmouse recognizes you because, instead of flying away, they fly towards you, land on a branch, cock their head and stare at you. The titmouse took a couple of tries, but soon was industriously taking sunflower seeds out of my hand. I have a nice video of him on YouTube, picking out the best seed from my hand. Unlike the brazen chickadee who hops around on my hand, takes his time and tosses seeds aside that he doesn't like, my titmouse friend looks terrified. His tuft is straight back, flat on his head, his eyes are wide and his body leans way back away from me. But his fat friend would have none of it. He hopped around the bush watching his friend with obvious envy, but he never could bring himself to land in my hand.

I was golf balling in Van Cort
and, since I was done, I was preparing to carry my bike over the creek that separates the course from the bike path
when my little guy appeared in my face
I reached into my pocket to grab some sunflower seeds and he disappeared
then I heard a chirp behind me
he had landed on the branch behind my head by about a foot
I gave him some seeds
and there was a tufted titmouse watching
but the titmouse couldn't work up the courage to land in my hand
although he tried to follow the chickadee
finally after about 10 tries
and walking around my feet to pick up the chickadee's dropped seeds
he finally worked up the courage
But there was only two
there were other chickadees flying around in the trees
but they never came down for a snack