Filed Under: Golf Balls>The Zen of Collecting

To catch golf balls in the wild (I use 'catch' figuratively; I recommend that you wait until they are on the ground), first you have to be smarter than they are. Golf balls in the wild are wary, in tune to their environment and ruthless. Humans are, for the most part, complacent, out of touch with nature, and lazy. That is why golf balls find it so easy to avoid capture and roam free for years.

I have made it my life's goal to find these feral golf balls, capture them, clean them up and find them good homes. I can tell you that there are thousands of them out there. I know because Shirley and I have thousands of them temporarily living in our home as we try to find them loving homes.

The best place to find lost golf balls is, duhhhhhh!!!!!...the golf course. It is inadvisable, however, to capture a golf ball that is still in play. My advise is, when on the course, determine which way the tee is. Look that way and if you see little guys holding clubs or little golf carts zipping around, don't repatriate any golf balls that you find. Hide in the bushes (so as not to scare away the truly lost golf balls) until the golfers have gone past and then start your search.

Filed Under: Natural Disasters>Stormageddon 2010

Just two weeks after barely surviving the great Snowurricane of 2010, Shirley and I are, once again, huddled on the floor, watching House and shivering with fear as the elements howl outside the window. Foolishly, we ventured out earlier. We wanted one last Pizza Hut meal. We almost hit a downed tree on the Saw Mill Parkway  less than a mile from our apartment and things only got worse from there. It seemed that almost every street in Yonkers, Ardsley and Hartsdale was blocked with either downed trees or power lines. Driving down Central Avenue we heard an explosion and saw a shower of sparks falling from a pole. Either lightning had just struck or the wire exploded, we don't know which and we don't care. We got the hell out of there. No sense calling 911. We tried several times and it was always busy.

Our advice: order Dominos and have them deliver. Stay home, don't go out. Watch any old movies you have and pray that Snowmageddon blows itself out overnight.