Filed under: Feeding Frenzy > Caffeinated Piranhas

I didn't start drinking coffee until I turned 40, so I feel like I missed out on a large part of American culture. Every morning now at 9:00 I go up to the cafe on the first floor to get my mega-iced coffee. And boy do I get surly if there are a lot of people there before me. There's always one person blocking the coffee machines and doing inexplicable things like slowly adding packets of sugar to taste. I feel like screaming, "You should know how many packets of sugar go into your coffee, you moron!!!!" Or if some schmuck is searching for lids or holders, "You are standing between me and sanity!!!" In fact, the whole scene, as a mob of people desperately cluster and surge around the coffee machines every morning reminds me of a mob of Hyenas feeding at the carcass of a Gazelle or over-caffeinated Piranhas feasting on a surfer.

Of course, after I've had my mega-iced coffee, I can gaze on my fellow humans with a great deal of complacency. At that point its more like, "Go ahead my good man, take your time...there's plenty of coffee to go around...and no Piranhas in sight."