Morning Report: Kovalam India

India is not like the US. No, no. Not at all. Our first day, our tour bus picked us up from the airport and took us to our hotel. This was after a 14 hour flight, followed by a 2 hour night's rest followed by a 3 hour flight. At the top of a hill the bus stopped inexplicably. For 10 minutes there was no explanation; but this is India. Finally our guide came back and reported that the bus couldn't go down the hill and that we had to carry out luggage down the steep hill dodging cars, buses and tuk-tuks. Welcome to India.

But I come here, not to complain, but to wonder. The next day Shirley and I were at breakfast. A nice place overlooking the beach called the Swiss Inn (we weren't ready for full immersion quite yet). We overlooked the beach and could watch a row of guys in skirts (the guys wear skirts here) and turbans who were hauling a rope that went out to sea. Far, far out to sea. They hauled and hauled all through breakfast with no apparent result other than lots of coiled rope on the beach. I kept wondering what they were pulling in; the world's largest lobster trap maybe or a hooked right whale? Towards the end of breakfast, Shirley and I realized that there were two rows of guys pulling on ropes and that they were gradually drawing in a net that originally must have covered most of the cove we were looking out at.

We weren't able to stay long enough to see the catch, but I couldn't help think this is exactly how this cove was fished every day for the last thousand of years or so.

The Morning Report: Afternoon Report

I was biking home last night and doing my golf-balling in Van Cort. I was just about to leave the park into Yonkers when this dude came running down the path all wide-eyed and out of breath and he said "Did you see some kids go by on bicycles?" I said yes "They stole my daughters' bikes! You've got to stop them!" I said "When I stop them what I am supposed to do then?" He said "I don't know, but you have to stop them!" So I turned my bike around and hauled-ass down the path back towards the Bronx I came upon two kids riding on a bike and I yelled "Whose bike is that!?" The kid said "That's my bike" and I knew right away he was telling the truth so I apologized and kept going then I saw two kids on two different bikes ahead of me and I yelled "Hey!" They looked back at me and then started to book I yelled "Get off those bikes! You can't out-run me!" Which was true and they soon realized it so they both hopped off the bikes and one kid took off on foot and the other kid stopped and faced me as I got off my bike But I said to myself "I can take this punk" and I went right at him but he thought better of it and turned tail and ran

The Morning Report: Revenge Served Hot

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold.
But what if you have to serve it piping hot?
This is what happened:
I was biking to work on Broadway
and a van passed me pretty close. Its a busy street.
There was a little dog in the window and the window was open.
When he was about a foot from my ear, the little runt barked loudly
and I nearly jumped off of my bike.
A couple of blocks later, the van was stopped at a traffic light.
The little dog was looking forward for his next victim, I assume.
So as I pulled up I barked loudly in his ear.

Revenge.

The Morning Report: Squirrels

Squirrels are so cute!
I know they are rats with fluffy tails
but they come stand looking at me as I am feeding Cardinal Richelieu
with their little hands crossed in front of them
patiently waiting for me to leave
so they can steal all the seeds from the birds
and they pick up each seed with both their little paws and munch away.
Adorable!

The Morning Report: The Stink-Eye

I have a normal place to feed the birds
it is at the intersection of two paths
and there is a square post that goes to about knee-high
where I put the bird seed
In the afternoon
the birds all wait for me there
and it sounds like a high school cafeteria at lunch time
In the morning, they are busy getting their own breakfast
so there are not as many birds lined up
But this morning
I found Seamus, Jake and Guido
before I got to the regular spot
so I fed them there
and when I biked past the regular spot
there was my best customer
a male cardinal
sitting on a branch, looking at the post and licking his lips
and when I biked past without stopping
he gave me the stink eye.

The Morning Report: Seamus, Jake and Guido

Today being Thursday, I had a lot on my mind on the way to work. I had to find golf balls on the way to work because Shirley picks me up in the car on Thursdays after volleyball. Plus I had to come up with names for my bird friends in Van Cortlandt. To make a long story short, I was successful on both counts. I found about 40 golf balls along the bike path near Dunwoodie and I named the chickadee Seamus, the skinny titmouse Jake and the fat titmouse Guido.

In Van Cortlandt Park, I switched from golf balling to bird feeding mode. I was looking for Jake and Guido because I had seen them every morning this week. I finally wanted to coax Guido into landing in my hand. However, I never did see Jake and Guido. I saw a cardinal but couldn't convince him to come nearer. I saw an entire flock of chickadees who I tried to entice by throwing sunflower seed at them. They just flew away. So I gave up. I decided to grab a couple of golf balls I saw just inside the fence and as I was pushing my way through a bush to get to them, I heard a loud honking in my ear. Bbberrrrrrmp! Bbberrrrrrmp! Bbberrrrrrmp! It was Seamus and he had parked himself in the same bush I was in about a foot from my ear.

So I whipped out the sunflower seeds (I always keep a handful now in my pocket) and let him take a couple before I went and grabbed the golf balls.

Sunday I biked down to Van Cortlandt to feed the chickadees. I got off my bike to go through the fence onto the golf course, when I saw a titmouse looking at me funny. You can always tell when a chickadee or titmouse recognizes you because, instead of flying away, they fly towards you, land on a branch, cock their head and stare at you. The titmouse took a couple of tries, but soon was industriously taking sunflower seeds out of my hand. I have a nice video of him on YouTube, picking out the best seed from my hand. Unlike the brazen chickadee who hops around on my hand, takes his time and tosses seeds aside that he doesn't like, my titmouse friend looks terrified. His tuft is straight back, flat on his head, his eyes are wide and his body leans way back away from me. But his fat friend would have none of it. He hopped around the bush watching his friend with obvious envy, but he never could bring himself to land in my hand.

I was golf balling in Van Cort
and, since I was done, I was preparing to carry my bike over the creek that separates the course from the bike path
when my little guy appeared in my face
I reached into my pocket to grab some sunflower seeds and he disappeared
then I heard a chirp behind me
he had landed on the branch behind my head by about a foot
I gave him some seeds
and there was a tufted titmouse watching
but the titmouse couldn't work up the courage to land in my hand
although he tried to follow the chickadee
finally after about 10 tries
and walking around my feet to pick up the chickadee's dropped seeds
he finally worked up the courage
But there was only two
there were other chickadees flying around in the trees
but they never came down for a snack

Filed under: Feathered Friends>Chicadees

http://www.youtube.com/user/davidpmerle

When I can't bike to work, I take the subway to 242nd Street and either take the bus, walk or 'shuffle' home. Sometimes I cut through the golf course just cause its prettier. On Friday, February 15th I ducked through the fence and was walking by the 5th tee. I had my cell phone in my hand because I was getting ready to call Shirley, when, in a mad flutter or wings, a bird landed on my cell phone. Naturally, I was startled and my sudden movement caused the bird to fly away, but less than a minute later, he was back. He landed on my phone a second time and I had a couple of seconds to look at him as he insolently stared at me. It was a chickadee!

Well, I knew what that meant. Chickadees are not interested in making long distance calls or texting their friends; this chickadee wanted seeds. So Saturday Shirley and I came back to the same spot with sunflower seeds and we practiced standing like statues for 30 minutes with our hands out holding sunflower seeds. Nothing. No birds anywhere. We left disappointed but came back on Sunday for another attempt. Again at the same spot we stood like statues to no avail. After about 10 minutes we left and went for a walk after scattering a couple of hand fulls of seeds on the ground. On our way back to the car, we passed the spot where we had scattered the seeds and it was obvious there had been a feeding frenzy. There were sunflower shells everywhere. I took the bag of sunflower seeds out of my pocket and poured some into my hand and before I could put the bag away my chickadee swooped in and landed on my hand. I stood there as my chickadee made several trips. In the bush right next to me there were two pretty grey birds who watched this with intense interest. Every time the chickadee landed for another seed, they hopped closer on the bush. A couple times they tried to fly to my hand but turned back in a flurry of feathers as they discovered that it was just too scary.

I let Shirley take over with the seeds and almost immediately the grey birds (they turned out to be tufted titmice) landed in her hand and started feeding. Check here to see the videos of me and Shirley feeding the birds. For the entire time, the chickadees preferred coming to me and the tufted titmice preferred going to Shirley.

http://www.youtube.com/user/davidpmerle

Filed under: The Boyz R Back>Peter Luger's

The boyz and I made our annual pilgrimage to Peter Luger's to enjoy some red meat and manly company.Here Michael Russo gives his best attempt at a manly hug with Paul Merle. See more pictures here.

Filed under: Natural Disasters>Food Delivery

I guess this is a story that has to be told.

Last night Shirley and I ordered our usual, General Tso's chicken and Won Ton soup, from our favorite Chinese restaurant: Kung Food. The delivery guy arrived (he's our regular guy), called us from outside (as usual) so I went to the door to pay him. I paid him and left a tip and then went back inside and put the food on the living room table. Next thing you know, he was back and banging urgently on the front door. I went outside in my socks and, although his English is practically non-existent, he quickly made me understand that his car had been stolen. I went back in, got my cell phone and came back outside to call 911. As I was waiting for 911, I asked the Chinese guy what kind of car it was, but he couldn't answer other than he thought it was a Toyota. Meanwhile a car pulled up to the sidewalk next to us as I was describing to 911 the situation. Our next door neighbor got out with his pit bull and started mumbling something like "She is so crazy". As I am talking to 911, I am beginning to realize that this guy not only witnessed the car theft but knows who did it. So I said, while still on the line with 911, "Wait, you know who took the car?". The guy with the dog mumbled some more stuff and was evasive. All he could seem to say was, "She is so crazy". Then the delivery guy started pointed urgently at a car driving buy and said something loudly that I didn't understand. What I believe he meant was that his car was like the one that was driving by at the moment. Later I learned that what he actually meant was "That is MY car. The person who stole it just drove it by the house again". Soon after that the police car came, driving the wrong way down our street. The police asked questions of us and from what the guy with the pit bull was saying I was starting to realize that the person who took the car was his girlfriend, who also lived here in the same apartment building. Then the police put the delivery guy in the car and went off to look for the stolen car. I went back into my apartment to eat my Chinese food. I didn't get to enjoy it for long because, pretty soon, another police car had come and a new police officer was ringing the doorbell. I just wanted to eat my General Tso's chicken at this point. The officer came in and started asking questions. He pointed at the chinese food on the living room table and asked "Is that what the food the delivery guy brought?" I said, "You aren't going to take it as evidence are you?" Luckily he has a sense of humor and didn't pull his gun. Well, I feel I should make a long story short; it turns out the girl who lives in our building took the car for reasons unknown. She drove around a bit and then abandoned the car. The police found the car later that night, and found her in the apartment. They dragged her off to the precinct but no charges were pressed.

Filed under: Natural Disasters>The Economy

I do so hope the economy improves next year. It was a tough year for the golf-balling industry. Merle Golf shipped 9150 golf balls in 2011, over 600 more than the previous year, but profits were down. Average price per ball was down from 29 cents in 2010 to 26 cents in 2011. That smarts! To our shareholders: Merle Golf is dedicated to improving margins in 2012. We are cutting our losses this year and stockpiling for next year. We plan to be strategically positioned to move aggressively forward early next year.

Filed under: Natural Disasters>Hurricanes

It would have been great if I had posted a blog during the hurricane. Of course, we didn't have electricity or water, so it would have been impossible. We had come to the Yellow House in New Paltz to escape the wrath of Irene. It's a 100 miles from where the Irene was supposed to strike: New York City. Who knew that New York City would remain relatively unscathed and that New Paltz would get creamed. Power went out Saturday night around 7:00. It came back around 8:00. We all cheered! It went out again a half our later and didn't come back on for a week. But it was when the power first went out that I truly regretted all the pooh-poohing I did to the hoopla in the media about the dangers of the coming hurricane. So when the lights went out we lit a bunch of candles and took stock of our situation. It turns out we had some stale tortilla chips, a can of soup, some bacon and several pints of ice cream. So we weren't going to immediately starve to death. Plus we had enough bottles of Perrier water in the fridge for maybe two more flushes. There was hope!

Me cooking soup and bacon on the grill

Since the stove wasn't working, Shirley showed me how to turn on the grill and I cooked my first meal: soup and bacon.

Filed under: Sherpas>Espresso Makers

I learned something that I think I should have already known: the difference between Sherpas and porters. As we got off the bus to begin our trek, we were introduced to our support team. For 8 trekkers this included, one head guide (Ekraj) two Sherpas (Dawa and Tilak) and 4 porters. The duffel bag for Shirley and me was so heavy that I would have strained to bring it from my car into my apartment (about 40 feet). When I was told that only 4 of our team would be actually carrying luggage, I said "that's impossible". And I really meant it. As it turns out and what I should have known is that the Sherpas are not there to carry luggage, they are mountain guides, not porters. And in fact, the 4 porters proceeded to tie together 2 duffels each and then tie their own bag on top of this package. Then they put a strap around their forehead, hoisted the whole contraption and off they went. Not one of them weighed more than 160 pounds. As it turns out, a porter carrying this load moves at the same pace as one of us trekkers carrying his or her day pack. Its hard to believe unless you see it for yourself.

The Sherpas however were there to guide. Tilak went first to make sure we didn't get lost, that we stopped to rest often and that we stopped at the correct lunch and dinner spots. Dawa brought up the middle and assisted Patsy by carrying her bag. He also carried a birthday cake for 3 days for a surprise birthday party for Patsy on Saint Patrick's Day without putting a single smudge in the frosting. Ekraj brought up the rear to make sure we didn't lose anyone and to keep track of our slowest trekkers.

They were really a great group of guys. Apparently, this is a high paying job and they brought a great enthusiasm to it. They were a pleasure to be around.

Filed under: Buffalos>Don't Stand Behind

Yesterday Shirley got charged by a buffalo. Today we begin the trek. The circle of life.

Gentle readers, fear not if you don’t hear from us. Since the Sherpas are already carrying the espresso maker, the blender (for pina coladas) and a fax machine and for Shirley, a hairdryer, iron, curling iron and manicure set, I thought it wrong to have them carry my laptop too. Especially since there is virtually no chance of an internet connection. We have been lucky to have plumbing and electricity so far. In Kathmandu there is apparently only 14 hours of electricity per day, per area.  People in Kathmandu run their own wires into adjacent areas that they know will have electricity on a different schedule than their own. We haven’t had perforated toilet paper yet. Apparently that invention has not made it to Nepal.

But now we are in Pokhara, a small town with a lake. This is our base camp to start our assault on Annapurna. We ate by the lake yesterday evening. I thought it would be a great idea to get a picture of Shirley with some buffaloes that wandered near. Who knew they charged? Shirley escaped, to the amusement of all nearby, including the owner of the buffaloes.

Filed under: In Kathmandu>Did Kubla Khan

Probably nothing could have prepared me for Kathmandu. I had almost no idea of what it would be like. I guess I kind of thought it was a small town. It ain't! Its a teeming, vibrant, energetic city. Travel in Kathmandu is insane by any standards. I don't think there are highways and all the streets are narrow. Into these narrow streets cows, chickens, monkeys, pedestrians, bicyclists, motorcyclists, cars, buses and trucks all cram themselves and travel both ways (in what should rightfully be one way, single lane roads) with no regard for stop signs (there are none), dividers, sidewalks, traffic lights (there are none...none that work at least) or each other. There are more motorcycles on the road then anything, because those are the only vehicles that can make good progress against this sea of humanity. By law all the motorcycle riders have to wear helmets, but none of the passengers do. And most of the motorcycles have between 1 and 4 passengers. Its not uncommon to see the entire family on one motorcycle. The strangest part is that in this never ending stream of beeping, swerving traffic regular daily chores occur. You can see people doing normal household chores. People live right on the street...or so close that they might as well set their barca-lounger right in traffic. You can peer into their open living rooms. In this insanity of travel I saw a woman bending over a bowl washing her hair. There were women sweeping their front stoop and men fixing their motorcycles. It would be like...and I'm not exaggerating now...brushing your teeth and combing your hair in the middle of 42nd Street and Broadway.

Filed under: Antipodian>Expeditions

In the airport we met our companions for the next 3 weeks. Michael, Jeff and Sue who I went to Fordham with. Shirley and I met two more people from New Hampshire, David and Patsy.  Also we have Lynn and Andie. No obvious rotten apples in the bunch (possibly I'm the rotten apple?).

It is an epic journey just to get there. I think Shirley said that it will be a total of 24 hours of travel. Right now we are working our way through a 9 hour lay-over in Delhi India. I HOPE THIS IS WORTH IT!

I can't wait to see something other than the inside of an airplane or airport. Admittedly, the flight crew on Jet Airways was very interesting. I have never seen guys with turbans walking up and down the aisle passing out drinks. To get up to speed, I watched a very entertaining Bollywood movie, Robot, starring my favorite Bollywood actress, Aishwarya Rai. Pure camp!

Filed Under: Golf Balls>The Zen of Collecting

To catch golf balls in the wild (I use 'catch' figuratively; I recommend that you wait until they are on the ground), first you have to be smarter than they are. Golf balls in the wild are wary, in tune to their environment and ruthless. Humans are, for the most part, complacent, out of touch with nature, and lazy. That is why golf balls find it so easy to avoid capture and roam free for years.

I have made it my life's goal to find these feral golf balls, capture them, clean them up and find them good homes. I can tell you that there are thousands of them out there. I know because Shirley and I have thousands of them temporarily living in our home as we try to find them loving homes.

The best place to find lost golf balls is, duhhhhhh!!!!!...the golf course. It is inadvisable, however, to capture a golf ball that is still in play. My advise is, when on the course, determine which way the tee is. Look that way and if you see little guys holding clubs or little golf carts zipping around, don't repatriate any golf balls that you find. Hide in the bushes (so as not to scare away the truly lost golf balls) until the golfers have gone past and then start your search.

Filed Under: Natural Disasters>Stormageddon 2010

Just two weeks after barely surviving the great Snowurricane of 2010, Shirley and I are, once again, huddled on the floor, watching House and shivering with fear as the elements howl outside the window. Foolishly, we ventured out earlier. We wanted one last Pizza Hut meal. We almost hit a downed tree on the Saw Mill Parkway  less than a mile from our apartment and things only got worse from there. It seemed that almost every street in Yonkers, Ardsley and Hartsdale was blocked with either downed trees or power lines. Driving down Central Avenue we heard an explosion and saw a shower of sparks falling from a pole. Either lightning had just struck or the wire exploded, we don't know which and we don't care. We got the hell out of there. No sense calling 911. We tried several times and it was always busy.

Our advice: order Dominos and have them deliver. Stay home, don't go out. Watch any old movies you have and pray that Snowmageddon blows itself out overnight.

Filed Under: Day 2>SOS

Report 2 from the maw of the snowurricane.

We run low on food....low on water...we can communicate now only with grunts and groans through parched lips and swollen tongues. When will help come? Before the battery of our iPhone died, we managed to spend a last plea for help to the Fusconnors.

When will they come? Dios mio! When will they come?

At least we still have our parking spot...